My Gaurdian Angel :)

Theres times when were alone, When we feel like were going to die.
When we feel like we can't move on, When all you can do is hope.
God sends us an angel.
Garrett stod by my side through my entire pregnancy, When everybody left he was the last one standing. When I cried, He was there. He became my best friend. At the time I didnt think much of it. But im so grateful to him. And I love him so much. He was the one I talked to, Hes done so many sweet amazing things for me.
We have been together a month now, And even If we don't make it, I'll always be grateful to the angel that got me through the toughest time of my life. And even now I struggle hes always there.
I love my best friend.. :)
I'm so honored to have him in my life.

Forgivness

I don't know why, But ever since Avery's birthfather deleted me off of facebook.
I've payed him no attention, In fact I was overjoyed with the thought of not having to deal with the crap. He hurt me. And I hated Him.
But today I viewed his profile for the first time in awhile.
He wasent happy, and for some werid reason this gave me an overwhelming tinge of sadness. And to my disbelif I realized I held no hate for him. I cared...
Yes I've forgiven him, But I'll forget the awful things he did to me. The things he did to My daughter...
But I care about the guy. And I've forgivin him. Hard to believe? it is for me also...
But the best way to move forward is to forgive the past, and dont hold grudges.
Am I still very hurt by him?
yes, no one has ever hurt me more.
Do I like him?
not really.
But life moves on, Hes apart of the past....And I'm looking forward to a great future.

i'm sorry it's been awhile, I've been meaning to write on here but I can never sheem to find the time.
Alot has been going on,
My boyfriend, yes I have one now..I'll blog all about him later. Got his wisdom teeth pulled. So I'm kind of as i like to say on call. I'm by his side when he needs me. I hate seeing him in so much pain.
I saw Avery last weekend, Seeing her wasent as hard as the thought of seeing her.
I remember being in the car on my way up to her shower, My heart was pounding and I was already in tears as soon as we hit her town. I was close to telling my cousion to go home, but i had already made it this far.
When I got there, It took everything in me to force a smile on my face, suck it up and walk up to the door.
But my hurt soon turned into awe, When I held Avery,
The emptiness was gone, and I was holding an angel. I couldnt get over how beautiful she was geting. She was so cuby, and her skin had turned a lovely pale, and she had the most rosy cheeks, she was perfect. Just like she always was.
So many people kept saying how beautiful she was, And I couldn't help but think it was because of me. She wouldnt have been there if it were not for me.
I wanted to just tell Avery's parents how grateful i was to them. Avery was healthy, but most importantly she was happy, And that was because of them.
I love my girl so much. And as the days pass, I actually feel like im going to be okay. I still cry, I still ache,
But theres that tinge of hope that keeps me going,
I'll write more as soon as I can but for now this should suffice.. :)

Hello

So it's been a crazy ride,
I was doing really well, I actually felt like my wounds were healing.
But on the forth of july i hit a downward spirl.
It was her first independance day, and i was her babyless, that killed me.
I know its going to be like this for awhile, Learning to live with it is the hard part.
But it's not pain all the time, Things are going okay.
It's almost time to start my Jr year in high school. I'm excited, I've missed my friends alot.
Even though it's really hard for me to relate to them. I still love them..
Theres alot going on in my life right now, The hardest part is trying to fit those little pieces of my life back together.
I've applied at a few places,
I'm going to dance soon.
I have a boyfriend.
And I'm working hard to make a good future for myself.
Even though I hurt, it would be unfair to Avery If i sat on my butt and did nothing.
Life does go on.
But this ache does not.