The grief I feel is almost unbearable,
Where do i go now?
Yesterday I placed my daughter, It was the hardest thing Ive ever done, and will ever do.
Avery is my heart, My angel, my whole life. It's so hard to sit here with an empty tummy and empty arms. I miss her.
I keep finding myself placeing my hands on my tummy, and theres nothing there. There is so much pain, I thought I knew pain until Avery was born.
Avery is beautiful she's the most sweetest baby ever. Sometimes it's hard to believe that she is the child I carried in my tummy. I would say my heart is breaking, but it's hard for a heart to break when your heart isnt there with you.
I want so badly to raise her, to have kept her. But look at me I'm only sixteen, I don't have a job, Avery wouldn't have a father. I couldn't have done that to her. I love her way to much.
A mother's love is the strongest love in the world. No words can express what I feel for her.
I'm happy that she gets a life I couldn't have given her..but it doesn't ease my pain..
Will time ever heal these wounds? The answer is no, But it will get easier... at least that's what they say.
Every cell in my body wanted to keep her. I had to fight everything in me, For her.
I did this for her, not for me. If It was for me she would be sleeping in my arms at this very moment with her hand wrapped around my finger so soft and warm.
I'm never going to be the same after this, I'm never going to be able to go back to life the way it was before my pregnancy. I only live for one thing now, And every choice I make will be for her.
Everything I do makes me break down. I can't eat chicken nuggets because that's what I always craved when she was in my tummy. I can't hardly be on the couch that I spent most of my labor on.
Everything hurts, everything aches. I love her so much that I'm putting myself through this.
I also love her parents, they are my daughter's angels, the answer to my prayers when I was so lost nine months ago.
It really sucks for me, But the adoption was the right way to go.
The last night in the hospital was really hard, Holding my baby and knowing what I was going to do. That my time as her mother was running up, I wish I could have held her longer, I wish I would have never had to let go. Now I hold her in every single thought.
If she ever needs an extra set of arms to cry on someday, my empty arms will always be open to her.
I wish I could put all the feelings I have down, But I can't....
My sweet Avery, Forever you will be my heart.