Healing of a broken heart

It has been way to long, for some reason I just can't seem to keep up on here. There is just some words I need to get out some feelings I have kept to myself. This last December, I had missed my period. I didn't think anything of it. Well you see I'm on birth contorl. and that happens. But just in case I decided to take a pregnancy test, I got a faint positive.... One week later I miscarried. I'm DEVASTAED :"( I know I may not be ready, but it still is so hard. That would have been a child I could have for myself. Well I continued to bleed heavily and was in so much pain so I went into the hospital. they informed me that i had an Infection in my reporductive organs. I could have lost my fertility. All I want is to be a mother. I don't understand why this happening. I know God has a plan for me, and honsetly that is what keeps me going, Faith. And the love of my heavenly father. I'm trying my best to be content. But i find myself on my knees crying most nights. I also recieved a blessing of comfort. that indeed has comforted me. Some of you might be thinking why didn't I hear about this? Because I needed to come to accept it first. The only ones who knew was Garrett, my mother and I. It hurts so bad, but i know I will meet that lost baby someday. Just to know what I have always wanted was at my finger tips. was in my tummy :"( A beautiful life I made with my husband. And I don't know If I ever will be able to concive again. I can just only hope and pray. But please please God, I have done your work, I placed my birthdaughter. Someway. Please let me get pregnant for myself. Well here comes the tears again.. I will do my best to update more later.

My mission

In this life I feel like there is many purposes for each of us, And I feel so strongly like this my purpose Two years ago I placed my baby, I feel like now it's my job to help unite adoptive couples to birthmothers. This is what im going to dedicate my life too, I start school this august. I love adoption, and six years from now I will have my degree. I will persue caseworking. I'm so excited to start doing the thing I love most. I'm so passionate about adoption. I'm excited!!

:))))

Dear Avery, I have a lot in my heart right now, a lot i need to say, I still miss you everyday, your still always in my heart, And for the first time in a long time, I'm really scared. Life is coming at me so fast. It all seems to be a large blur. I closed another book my darling. I did it, I survived high school. I faced my challenges. and now a new set is upcoming I feel so lost, and yet so excited. I guess I just want you to know at this moment. I placed you two years ago, It still breaks my heart. And you are growing up so fast! But from the placement, You wern't the only one who was able to grow. I'm doing good my princess, I graduated, I'm going to college soon, I have an amazing decent paying job, And im preparing to become a wife. Thank you Avery. You are such a mircle. I can't say how many times you have saved me. Just thinking of you makes me smile. I love you so much, wish me luck on the next chapeter of my life. I will move forward with you always in my heart. love, mama C

:)

I know I'm a blog slacker :( sorry don't really have much time to do anything.
Wow, don't really even know what to type because there has been so much going on.
well i guess I'll start with the biggest thing.
I'm engaged,
now before you judge I know what your thinking.
Eighteen? isn't she to young.
I don't think age defines love at all.
He is my best friend.
I have been dating him for the past two years, best friends for longer,
He knows me inside and out, up and down, there isn't anyone I can even begin to see spending the rest of my life with. He has held my hand through the most hardest part of my life, And was the birthfather to Avery when she didn't have one.
GARRETT is amazing, :) I'm so honored that he chose me to share his life with. I'm very excited and ecstatic to be his wife.
It's a long engagement,
We are getting married next July, Not this July lol.. next July
I'm happy with my man :)
yay so that's the biggest thing right now! and my little girl will be TWO!! in like two months! oh my goodness! i can't believe how big that princess is. :D I miss her, and hope to see her soon.

Life right now is crazy,
I can't believe I'm even having the time right now to write. I don't even have time to breathe anymore. I'm struggling with graduating....
I can't even express how alone I feel right now. I could scream in a room and nobody would even care to look up at me...
I'm depressed....
Well it's a long story.
I'm not living at home right now, I'm living with a friend. And as the holidays apporach it seems like I can't do anythng but cry. I feel lonley,
YES I do have my Garrett.
But I miss my family, and i wish situations would be better, But most of all I miss Avery,
there is so much sorrow filled in my heart right now. Everything feels so unreal. :"(
It's been almost six months since I've seen my lovely birthbaby. And I'm hurting. She is getting so big, and I'm missing so much.
I'm Eighteen in a few weeks, Funny I don't really like it almost is,
Right now I'm just trying to find myself... Discover Celeste again...
The girl who got good grades and was going somewhere in life..
right now I'll hold on to the faith I have
Happy Turkey Day
-Celeste

YAY!

Sorry my blog was disabled but i was able to finally restore it! so ill write more :)